My son is gay, what do I do?
That’s a great question. You must remember that its completely normal for young boys to experiment and explore their sexuality, it is in fact one of the most natural parts of growing up. With that being said, most parents sometimes underestimate how hard it can be for young adults to tell their parents or friends that they are gay. Its not just as simple as “I’m gay.” No, on the contrary, young adults struggle with inner conflict of being gay, so much so that they tend to fight with themselves. It’s very important for you to understand your child and know what he is going through. In most cases it’s uncommon ground to them and you as a parent, therefore keeping in mind its new and unexplored territory. This is why most parents feel unsure if they can give the best support to their child.
So, we have put together a guide as to what you can do to best support your son during this uneasy journey.
Communication is KEY!
Firstly, we encourage parents to have honest and openminded conversations with their children, thus keeping an open relationship with one another. As a result it can help your son to know that he can come to you at any given stage about any issues he might find or concerns that might come to mind. Its important to know that you need to ease his mind so that he knows it is okay to go through difficult times and have some sort of doubts in his mind that can be addressed and given clarity to. This includes his sexuality, and the way he sees himself through your eyes.
To accomplish this you need to create a comfortable home environment that caters for freedom of expression. This way your son won’t have it difficult to come out to you by expressing his sexuality.
When you neglect these points it might be very hard for your son to come out to you or his friends due to the fear of judgement and consequences he may face. Simple actions you can execute is not to assume their sexuality, as this creates a Frame of reference which can damage your expectations of him and your relationship with your son. You can begin by asking him “Are you seeing someone?” or by asking “Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?” you open up the possibility to him stating its acceptable to you that he can have either one of the two. This takes away the strain of asking him straight up, “Are you gay?” this puts his mind to rest with the thought that you are okay with him being gay.
Whenever you talk about sexuality do not speak negatively about other sexual orientations or have any bad connotations linked to it, as this will result in him being doubtful and fearing to come out to you.
Always remember that your son is human and he can also experience the same love and affection fear or hate as all the other Heterosexuals’ (Straight People) as well. He is not different to an extent that the can not be treated the same as the other Heterosexual people, no as a mater of fact he is still the same child you know from birth, just with a different sexual attraction than the norm.
Accept and love him for who he is, he is born this way!
Obvious isn’t it? No, unfortunately its not so obvious. Its extremely important to retain and boost your son’s self-esteem and confidence as he will need a lot of this in the years to come. By not doing this you are possibly contributing towards your son having trouble fitting into the gay community and he might not have the necessary tools to operate in this rough group of people we call the GAY COMMUNITY.
Under no circumstance do you try to change your son in any way, also refrain from suggesting that he needs to be anything else then what he already is. Support and accept him for who he is as he might be vulnerable during these times and can take drastic actions just to feel accepted or loved. Keep on telling him every single day that you love him and that you are his support pillars. Even if you feel you are not making any progress, remember the progress might be within him and he must feel comfortable with you in order to come out to you. He will hear you telling him you love him and he will eventually find comfort within and open up to you more and more.
Generalize and Normalize it!
Whenever your son decides to speak to you about his sexual orientation, you can use this to your advantage and make sure he knows that its perfectly normal and natural to feel this way, and that being gay is nothing to be ashamed about. If he knows you have this type of mindset he might have enough confidence to speak to you about it more often than never, with comfort in his heart, that he won’t be judged. Consider this, if he feels its normal to be gay, will he embrace himself and love even more? If he didn’t feel that being gay is unusual and weird then absolutely yes, he will love and care for himself more often and as a result of this his self-esteem and confidence levels will improve.
Also you don’t have to treat him differently all of a sudden, just because he is gay. It does not mean he need any special treatment what so ever as his sexuality does not define who he is as a person, it just states what he prefers and likes when it comes to a relationship and sexual activities, that’s it.
Emphasize the support structure!
You need to make him aware of the support structure that have been put in place to help him with all his struggles.
Here at 2 Fab 2 Fracture we can help and guide you and your son with many different questions that might arise, as this might be unexplored territory for both of you. We will suggest you read through a few posts we have created to assist you and your son in this beautiful journey.
If you are not cautious enough, your son might make drastic changes to his life or even commit suicide!
Sometimes this is overlooked by parents, thinking it will never happen to them, until they realize the truth by finding that 23% of parents children that are gay doesn’t even come out of the closet and stating they are gay, they just commit suicide in fear of being judged and bullied.
That is why we encourage you to read our content as we speak about anything that can possibly happen to him during this worrisome time and fights he might have within himself.
Gay pride month is one of the best and most exiting events known to the LGBTQI+ community. We calibrate the...
Most people wonder about the gay love life. They often ask a few questions about sex or positions or any...
This is a question that we have heard a lot and we finally decided that it is time to address...
Let me start at the very beginning, I grew up in a very small town that is a farming community...
We exist because people in the gay community are to fabulous to be fractured by other people’s judgments and negativity...