Let me start at the very beginning, I grew up in a very small town that is a farming community as well as a Christian community, so in short my town wasn’t the best place to grow up in as a gay boy. My parents always took me to church and to be specific, the NG Kerk a church that is very strict on some believes which is in the Bible so that only added fuel to the fire that is my stress level. I went to church with my parents as a closeted gay boy to scared to tell anyone. The church was meant to be a place to connect to, to praise God but for me it was more of a stressful situation a box that I want to break free off. Yes I believe in God and yes I’m a gay Christian but I didn’t feel that love in my church I only felt fear but I made it, I survived.

Now more about my Family, my mum and dad divorced when I was very young and my mum got custody of me and my older sister Antoinette and they sold my childhood home. My mum went on to met a new man and they got married and my dad met a new women and also got married a.k.a my stepdad and stepmother entered the picture. My stepfather had one son (Janco) and my stepmother had 2 children a son (Jc) and a daughter (Joanette). My mother eventually divorced my stepfather and that story deserves a story on its own and my mother went on to meet another guy but didn’t marry him and they broke up as well a few years later, My dad is happily, well let’s say he is still married to my stepmother to this day and that whole story also deserves a story on its own. So now you know about my parents, sister, stepmother and father and their kids.

So let me tell you my “coming out story” like the gays will say, so well it was my grade 10 year and I was 17 and it was my final exams for the grade 10 year and the stress was getting to me so I was busy studying for physical science and my best friend, also my high school crush, lived close by to me. I gave him a call and told him he should come over I’m struggling with our study work and if he can come help me, so he said he will come and help me. When he arrived at my home I told him what I was struggling with, not that I really struggled with the work I just tried to get the courage to tell him “I’m gay”, a few minutes passed and I closed my book while he was busy explaining something and I told him, ”listen Reon I didn’t actually asked you to come here because I was struggling, I actually asked you to come over because I have to tell you something very important and private and please don’t tell anyone.” He said that I can tell him anything. I took a deep breath and my words shakily left my mouth, “Reon I’m gay.” He looked at me and took me in his arms and told me that it is okay and that there is nothing wrong with me being gay. I was crying my eyes out, I was so glad and grateful that I had a friend that supported me. Next I told him I want to tell my mum and if she chase me away if it will be okey that I come live with him and his parents. He told me it would be fine and with my permission if he can explain my situation to his parents. I gave him my permission and he went back home.

Time to tell my mum. I told Reon on the 13th of November 2016 and my mum somewhere in December of 2016, I’m not sure what day but I remember it was before the 20th of that month and this is how. My mum walked into the room and I was laying on my bed and I wasn’t in the mood but I was so over it keeping it a secret that I’m gay so I told her to come sit next to me on my bed and it just came out “mum I’m gay.” She stood up and walked out of my room and reminded me to pack for Christmas holiday, we always go to her side of the family for Christmas because they live in Amanzimtoti, My mum ignored me for 3 straight months after I told her, she only started talking to me in March 2017 but it was probably wrong of me to ignore her for the same length of months, so I ignored her for 3 months. At least something good came out of those months. She bought me chocolate milk everyday just to get a few words out of me, even if it was just the words “thank you mum”. In that time from March to 27th September 2017 I came out to most of my school girlfriends and one was mad that I did tell her first and the other one guest correctly when me and Reon told her I was keeping a big secret from them. Only people left that I still have to tell were my dad, my sister, my family and most of my male friends.

The 27th of September 2017 my birthday. On that day I decided to come out to my dad. I specifically chose my birthday because I know my dad respects birthdays and he won’t do anything horrible on birthdays, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Early morning he came to pick me up and we went for breakfast at Wimpy, he treated me with bacon, eggs, toast and a milkshake, I love milkshakes and a milkshake is the way to my heart. When we finished our breakfast and my dad paid the bill he drove me back to my mum’s house and my house and sitting in the car I thanked him for the meal and while I looked at him I said to him “dad please don’t hate me or be disappointed in me but I’m gay.” His face turned red and he screamed “what!? How is this possible, what did I do wrong to have a gay child? Just don’t tell anyone we can make you normal.” I looked at him and told him “Well it is too late for that because almost everyone already knows.’’ He turned blood red and screamed louder “I should have been harder on you learned you more male things, then you wouldn’t have been a fag”. 

I just stood in silence most of the conversation because I know my dad his mind can’t be easily changed he also said something about what will the church think and what other people will think. Then my sister came to my mum’s house where me and my dad was still talking and arguing in the car, for almost 4 hours and she came knocking on the window and dad told her I’m gay. My sister wasn’t shocked but chose my dad’s side. After that I climbed out of the car and walked to my house. My mum was in the kitchen and my dad was screaming behind me with my sister not far behind him and then my mother joined in on the commotion also picking my dad’s side. To out the cherry on the cake they started to throw the Bible in my face at that moment I was so annoyed and told them to fuck off and I turned around walked to my room and locked the door.

 

Today my dad still doesn’t like it that I’m gay but I have learned to live with his criticism and judgment but he keeps telling me he still loves me. My sister and mother are far more okay with me being gay and my male friends didn’t care that I’m gay they just told me to leave their dicks alone. I came out to my mother’s side of the in December 2018 where my Grandparents told me they knew for a long time and that they still love me to bits. My aunts and uncles were all okay with me being gay and my one uncle, my mum’s brother, also being gay so I knew my mum’s side of the family will accept me and love me. My dad’s side of the family knows I’m gay but I wasn’t the one who told them but they haven’t given me shit for being gay they also still love me. the only people with a problem with me for being gay is my dad, his wife (stepmother), her children and the church they are the only people with a issue.

 

So there it is my coming out story I started coming out in the end of 2016 the whole 2017 and was totally out of the closet in 2018 also my last school year so I’m quite happy I spend my last year off school out of the closet, and I learned in my last year of school that people don’t really give a fuck if you are gay and if there is someone giving you shit because you are gay, you’ll always have people that truly care for you.

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